How Brave Thou Art

The brave may not live forever, but the cautious never live at all.
That's what they told me.
I think I would like to live for a little while,
But I"m not brave when You're not here.
I would like to throw open my heart and love for as long as I could,
Never mind that it wouldn't be too long,
Never mind when it hurt me,
Never mind when it killed me,
But I'm too afraid when You're not with me.

So instead I lie on my side with one eye pressed into the dirt
And sleep sleep sleep like the regretful dead,
And when I get up it's to grab the nearest stick
And start smashing everything around me.

I am a killer.
I am a destroyer.
What I see, I hate.
What I touch, I break.
I broke my life, so stay away.
Run, run, run, dear child.
I'll break yours too if you let me near enough.

I don't really look for sticks when I get up; I use anything handy:
Catch up the nearest object and start swinging with my eyes shut,
Only hearing the splintering and shattering around my ears.

Some nights when I'm lying like this with my cheek to the ground
Quiet like a weaned child, so quietly screaming my brains out,
Knowing I can't live and knowing I won't die,
I like to imagine that You'll show up,
One unexpected night,
Break me,
Remake me,
Take me far away from all I've ever been.

It's a lot to imagine,
But I think You're braver than I am now.
I remember one night You were alone,
Hanging on a hill with Your wrists bleeding open
So I wouldn't have to be.
You were brave enough to be alone then.
So I like to think You're brave enough to face me now.